Insanity

It has been a looooong week! First of all, I never posted my last weigh in. I didn't lose any weight, but I also didn't gain any.

Still... It was very discouraging to work so hard and not see results! In the past, typically I would have gone on a binge... Stuffed myself until I was sick. Believe me, I wanted to! But I also knew that if I did, not only would I regret it, I would also have that much more weight to lose!

For those of you who have struggled/are struggling with your weight, you can maybe relate to what I'm about to write. If you haven't, then you will think I'm crazy, and will understand why I titled this post the way I did.

Last night was probably the worst night yet! I was so incredibly frustrated with not losing any weight! I was so angry that I have to work out everyday and watch what I eat, while everyone around me was eating whatever they wanted! I wanted to eat everything in sight! I knew there were cookies on the table, chips in the cupboard, pizza in the freezer, etc, and I wanted it... ALL of it! I wanted to stuff my face! I thought "you know what? Screw this!! I'm working too hard and not seeing results... Why the hell am I doing this??"

I was absolutely having a moment of insanity! It took everything in me to not eat it... I knew that if I took even one bite, I would binge! I would take one nibble, and I would not stop until the pizza, chips, cookies, and whatever else I could find were GONE!

I literally battled my thoughts for about 4 hours until I couldn't take it anymore... I had to leave! I got in my car and drove away... Away from the food... Away from the temptation to overeat... Away from the regret I knew binging would bring me.

So when I woke up this morning, I thought "okay, it's a new day... Start fresh"... And guess what?? When I got on the scale, I had lost more weight!!!

Now most of you know I believe in God... With my whole heart. And I honestly feel like He is trying to set me free from my addiction to food... My constant battle of insanity. And to me, it felt like this whole last week, especially last night, was a test of my will. A test to see if I could overcome... And because I DID overcome, I was rewarded by a much needed weight change on the scale!

I was amazed at how I instantly felt better! I feel back in the swing of things... My will and drive are renewed and I am ready to fight again!

This insanity will not win... I am stronger than it! I'm sure there are more days/weeks like that to come, but I'm praying they will only become easier and easier to get through!